Feel the Burn

Today I am suffering from the greatest heat-stroke known to man! My body looks like a cooked lobster, my face is in an eternal blush, and I am waiting for the 'Great Peel' - the moment that my skin begins to flake from my body in the most unladylike manner!

Of course, it's completely my own fault. There I was, lying in the sun, watiting for my tan to unfurl...but instead...disappointment!


So now all I can hope is that, through some sheer luck and tenacious application of moisturiser, a tan does arise through my shrivelly tomato skin. I'm crossing every digit I have in hope...

But through all this pain, and unavoidable peeling, I (through gritted teeth) Say Thanks Anyway for the ability to even achieve this level of pain. I'm lucky enough to live in a house with a sparkling blue pool, and in a country with the best weather on earth. So red skin or not, I'm one lucky lobster!

Is there anyone out there...

You know the scenario. Hollywood always uses it to showcase the ultimate dork during his school-days.

*Scene opens*
Kids are standing gathered in the school-yard. (Surplus balls and rackets may be lying around as props).
A big bully type kid points and says - "You!"
Camera moves to two dweeby looking kids standing in the corner in geeky looking sports-wear.
*Cue voice-over*
"I was always a loser growing up. At school, I was the last one picked for sports. (etc, etc, etc.)

Well, that's kind of how I'm feeling about this blog.

Have you ever put anything out there and wondered if anyone is actually reading it? Or are you just wasting your time? And time is a precious thing... (just yesterday I was thinking about how I don't spend enough time watching Mcgyver re-runs. The hair. The pocket-knife. *swoon*...but I digress!)

Although I really can Say Thanks Anyway for this blog, and the way it has helped me see things differently. The positive is getting easier to spot when the miserable looms! (Barring the last 'computer-related fiasco')

So I guess, read what I have to say, or don't - I'll carry on regardless. Just cos it makes me feel better:)

Get into the Christmas Spirit!

It is here. I am officially on Christmas holiday!

Through the manic deadlines, overkill Christmas shopping, and the *I-can't-breathe* workload, it has finally arrived!

It all seems worth now. 2 glorious weeks of beach, sleeping in, and spending time with neglected people. (If you think I'm rubbing it in, you'd be right;)

But really everyone, let's all remember what Christmas is all about! There are people out there who are lonely, poor, starving, miserable...and are just waiting for this season to be over. Look around and see what you can do to help.

And then Say Thanks Anyway. Because not only are you not happy, loved and 'well-nourished', but you were able to help someone else.

Boss Saves the Day!

Crisis diverted! My boss came riding in on his...uhm...techosavvy steed, and saved the day!

So now that I can officially breathe again (at one stage hyperventilation was constricting the airways), I know that I can Say Thanks for a great boss!

There was no judgment. He wasn't mad that I potentially lost a huge presentation. He simply guided me calmly through the problem. And then he actually did find it in the crevices of the computer (confusing gadget if you ask me!)

So I consider myself incredibly lucky to work where I do - awesome boss and nurturing atmosphere.

Now please excuse me, I'm off to buy an asthma pump...

I'm Dead(lines)

I've been working on a presentation for a few days, and my computer just decided to lose it.

I'm struggling on seeing the positive at the moment! All I can see is hours of hard work down the drain...

Perhaps I'll do a better job the second time around?! But to be honest, I don't find that very comforting as I muster up the resolve to start all over again.

Oh, did I mention that the presentation is due in a few hours.

Oh silver lining, today you are nothing but a little speck on the horizon...

Exploring the City

I went on an organised Twilight Walk through my city last night.

There is something so peaceful and romantic about walking through the streets while the sun sets. I don't actually ever take the time out to do it.

(In the future I vow to explore the nooks and crannies of my home-turf...)

The ethos was amazing, the excitement tangible - and everywhere you looked there were people dressed up in the strangest get-ups.

The fact that it was a charity walk just made it so much better - I was able to have a supernatural load of fun, and know that I was simultaneously aiding a great cause! Big Win! 

I ended up feeling really connected to a city full of people I have never met before, did not actually utter any words to, and will (probably) never see again!

So I had my camera out, about and ready to shoot. Hope you enjoy the pics!:)

The Unsung Heroes - My Parents

There's a campaign running at the moment called 16 Days of Activism Against Violence to Women & Children.

This campaign really made me take a look at my relationship with my parents. Everyone I know complains about 'how their parents screwed them up' in some form or another. We all seem to be channeling Freud. (And is that really something we want? Come on, the man was a bit of a perv...)

So tell me honestly, was it ever really THAT bad?!

Some people complain about their parents being overprotective; but as far as I know that's a sign of love.
Others rant and rave about their parents never being there when it really counted. Ok, some may not have been - but I think sometimes it's just easier to find a scape-goat, and then continue to bask in the victim role.

My parents were never perfect; but although I shouted, made them cry, and deposited my teenage angst on their burdened shoulders, they never once made me feel sub par.

There were no fists. No bruises. No late-night fears of my bedroom door opening.

So take some time to think about your childhood. Then realise how incredibly lucky you really were!

Say Thanks Anyway for your parents. Then maybe go and give them a hug - that's where I'm off to today!

Make it Write

I've been working on my first novel now for a few years. I'm one of those people who won't allow anyone to read my work. It's not only the fear of rejection (oh boy, do I have that in abundance!), but the ink on the paper almost takes on a life of its own; it illustrates little fragmentary parts of myself.

Very often my pen stabs at my own insecurities and miseries - and I'm not sure that I can bear to let people see that side of me!

And so I am left with this conundrum...a passion for writing - and an equal passion for privacy.

So I guess I'll have to Say Thanks Anyway for this blog. What I write here has absolutely nothing to do with my novel, and the style is completely different (read liberating) - but it does give me the chance to "expose" myself through an insurmountable veil of privacy.

If you're reading this, you've studied a piece of me. A piece I keep hidden. I piece that I often cannot decipher for myself.

And sharing this piece with you gives me peace.

While I breathe I Hope

Hope is such a tenuous entity. Some days I wonder if it's fear or hope that holds me back. Will I ever be able to make a decision while hope guides my judgment?

Ok, enough with the ambiguous questions - let me explain.

We all make choices every day. Check. You know that.
Some choices have more impact then others. Again, you know this.
But what if the hope for something better prevents us from seizing the opportunities we are presented with; like a an unholy union between hoping for something better, and fear of settling for the less than the ideal...

I have always been an incurable romantic. I had read all the Austen and Bronte novels by the age of 12. By 14 I had stopped speaking to anyone outside of my family. In my mind, the world had revealed itself, and it was not the Gothic fairy-tale I had always wished for. I wanted something better, something tidy - heartbreak and sorrow were only meant to exist within the assured boundaries of a happy ending.
 
I outgrew my miserable idealistic phase...to a point. But something inside of me still clings to the hope that there is perfection out there.

But then again, didn't our mothers tell us that nothing and no one is perfect? Goodness knows I'm anything but perfect.

But even if that hope of 'better' will forever linger in my mind and hold me back from certain opportunities and prospects, I Say Thanks Anyway for the protection is has given me in certain instances. Not all opportunities are good - and my overly romantic notions have certainly saved me from those.

Having said that, I have also learned to ignore that little bead of hope&fear and to take some risks. And the risks were so worth it!

So I guess the lesson I need to learn is: Don't settle for just anything, but don't let the hope of something better hold you back.

One Week in...

Already I can see some difference in my life since I started this experiment - and it's only been about a week!

I'm not a particularly negative person, but I don't think we realise exactly how many negative thoughts hinder us on a daily basis.

We all have our own unique self-esteem issues, secret problems and day-to-week-to-month obstacles - but this week has really taught me shift my paradigms; to explore the other side of something which may just seem insurmountable. Something which before would have seen me reaching for the 'I-am-wallowing-in-self-pity' binge tray of chocolate. 

So I urge you (if anyone is reading this) to push yourself to Say Thanks Anyway. Try it for a month and see what happens.

Personally, I can't wait to see how my perceptions will have changed after a month of this!

The Politics of People

Today I decided to Say Thanks Anyway for family.

You know the people who irritate you more than anyone else ever could? They come with their very own manual of dysfunction. They seem to thrive on drama, and have create a certain sordid social politics to which you must adhere (if not, the repercussions are unfathomable)...

Well, those are the people you will realise, despite all their flaws, will always be there when you need them the most.

After spending the weekend with my sister, I have a renewed strength for the week ahead.

The sense of loneliness that was getting me down has diminished. Simply by talking to her about it, and her just listening - and most importantly, letting me know she's always there...so loneliness is really just a state of mind.

It wasn't simply the talking and listening. It was the shared history between us - when I spoke, she understood where I was coming from. She understands who, in essence, I really am. There are no pretenses and masks in our relationship.

I have never found that with anyone outside of my family. In the real world, there are always pedestals and hierarchies. People box you into certain categories, and it's very hard to escape.

Yes, these are all cliches - but sometimes things are cliches because they're just so true!

So cut your family some slack. There's no such thing as the perfect family - but when you fall on your butt and make a complete arse of yourself, they're the ones who will help you wipe the dust from the back of your pants and move on.

The Different Shapes of Love

I have to admit, during some situations it's harder to interpret the positive undertones.

I've liked the same guy for a few years now. We're close friends - I see him all the time, we share secrets, stories, happiness - you get the gist.

But that's it. We're friends. No more, no less.

So when we went out last night, and he found a girl he was interested in, I must admit I wasn't quite sure how to handle it. Being the kind of person who never lets on to her emotions at all, I pretended to be happy for him - hell, I was his wing-woman, guiding him in the way of a woman's heart. Perverse some might say. I call it self-preservation.

Nothing came of his infatuation. Yes, I was pleased - but that's not really the point. The point is that at some stage he will strike gold, and I will have to learn to cope with it.

And so I suppose my silver lining is this: there isn't always going to be a happy ending with everyone you love. But I want to Say Thanks Anyway that I'm blessed enough to have this amazing man in my life (in whichever shape he comes) - life would be just that little bit more dreary without him!

Weight a second...

First up, you should all know that I am on Weight Watchers. Yes, that's exactly how paranoid I am about my ever-expanding waistline.

However, rather than standing in front of the mirror, drearily contemplating the deepening pit of cellulite that had acquired permanent residence status on my thighs, I took action. (Not instantaneous action mind you, I have been wallowing in my fat-rolls for some time now...)

In the past few weeks I have detoxed, displayed superhuman resistance to chocolate, and ultimately lost 5 kg.

But before you all break out into a spontaneous song-and-dance routine showcasing your tremendous support, I have some bad news. These past 3 weeks saw me gain 1.6 kg.

YES! I succumbed to the siren-call of cookie-dough!

But in the wake of this bad news, I find myself more determined than ever to lose the remaining weight. This setback is like a second wind to me.

And so it is (with a great appreciation of the irony) that i can Say Thanks Anyway for the added pounds. Without them weighing so heavily on my conscience I may have lost all resolve to conquer the bulge!

New Beginnings

This is my early New Years resolution - to see the positive (teeny though it may be) within the negative.

You know those days when the silver lining seems overshadowed by that giant murky cloud? Well, I've decided that those are the days that 'I'll say thanks anyway'.

So here's the skinny on me, the things I don't like but have decided to be grateful for - or at least attempt to:

• I'm a single female, living in a new city, maneuvering my way into a pseudo-social-life. (so far, so bad)
• I'm overweight. Nothing major. But nothing little about it either. It's the root of many insecurities, and something I'm actively working on. Watch this space...
• Most days I just live - have you ever wondered if there's anyone out there who has time to stop and smell the roses? I want to be that person. 

So here's to my new beginning! If you read this, you'll witness my very public attempt to appreciate the small things in life. Enjoy!