I haven't blogged in a while - and sadly I have no excuse. Pure laziness is what it is.
But although I haven't been writing in this blog, inspiration has struck. I have started adding some bits, bobs and paragraphs to my (long suffering) novel.
It seems that this year's personal dilemmas may lead to some riveting (if somewhat angsty) reading. It may not be an autobiography, but "Oscar Wilde was right when he stated that:
"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth."
Before, this blog was a bit of a mask for me - a cathartic catalyst medium for finally expressing what I really feel. I hope it always will be...because as I've found in the last few months, there is no such thing as too many avenues in which to have a good whinge (while looking on the bright side of course:)
So today I Say Thanks Anyway for the therapeutic experience of writing. Here's to hoping we never stop expressing ourselves through the written word.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
The Sinking of a Friendship
Enigman and I are no longer friends!
Personally, I had always hoped to make that statement, and then follow it up with...we are now a couple. But apparently that was never meant to be.
A few days ago he snapped at me, I snapped back, and before I knew what had happened, he told me that our friendship was over!
We've had fights before (I've fought more with him than with my own mother during my adolescent 'angst' years) - but this time is different. He has 'unfriended' me from social networks.
All my efforts to sit down after the fight and talk it through were ignored.
And so I did what I think is best for me...I deleted all his numbers. Now I am unable to get hold of him again. (well, of course not completely unable - I know where he lives, and we live in a technologically corrupt era - it is truly impossible to wipe someone out of your life without whole-hearted gusto!)
So now that a few days have passed, and I am completely without him in my life, I have begun to see that our relationship may have fallen within the bounds of dysfunctional.
For years I have been in love with him, and for years we have walked this strange path of awkward friendship that could have been more but never was! Which (of course as a female), has caused a lot of issues for me. And has most likely stopped me from pursuing other options!
So here I am. I am ready for something new. My heart still hurts. Everyday I cry a little over the loss of my best friend, and the loss of what could have been.
But I like to think that this experience has taught me to take better care of myself in so many different ways. And I think that 'taking care of yourself' differs for everyone - depending on personal strengths and weaknesses.
So today I Say Thanks Anyway for a friendship that was beautiful. It brought me memories which still make me laugh. And it taught me to understand myself.
Personally, I had always hoped to make that statement, and then follow it up with...we are now a couple. But apparently that was never meant to be.
A few days ago he snapped at me, I snapped back, and before I knew what had happened, he told me that our friendship was over!
We've had fights before (I've fought more with him than with my own mother during my adolescent 'angst' years) - but this time is different. He has 'unfriended' me from social networks.
All my efforts to sit down after the fight and talk it through were ignored.
And so I did what I think is best for me...I deleted all his numbers. Now I am unable to get hold of him again. (well, of course not completely unable - I know where he lives, and we live in a technologically corrupt era - it is truly impossible to wipe someone out of your life without whole-hearted gusto!)
So now that a few days have passed, and I am completely without him in my life, I have begun to see that our relationship may have fallen within the bounds of dysfunctional.
For years I have been in love with him, and for years we have walked this strange path of awkward friendship that could have been more but never was! Which (of course as a female), has caused a lot of issues for me. And has most likely stopped me from pursuing other options!
So here I am. I am ready for something new. My heart still hurts. Everyday I cry a little over the loss of my best friend, and the loss of what could have been.
But I like to think that this experience has taught me to take better care of myself in so many different ways. And I think that 'taking care of yourself' differs for everyone - depending on personal strengths and weaknesses.
So today I Say Thanks Anyway for a friendship that was beautiful. It brought me memories which still make me laugh. And it taught me to understand myself.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Sick and Tired?
I write this entry from my bed. For the last few days I've been stuck at home, under the covers, with the flu.
Not only am I sneezing like a gusty wind, but I haven't had the energy to drag myself out of bed for quite some time. As a result, I must have amassed a scent of odour toilet (I imagine, although my sense of smell has left me), and my hair has woven itself into a knot. Just one giant knot!
At this rate, I will never get a comb through it. My locks will become dreadlocks (oh how I do dread that), and I will pretend that this was something I had fully intended and planned for!!
For the first few days, I had no one but my cat as company. My hours were spent watching day-time-television...and riddled with self-pity.
I have to admit, I began to run out of groceries slowly but surely, until eventually I was a quivering wreck. A starving, quivering wreck. I must say, that look becomes no one!
But after these days of feeling the loneliest I have ever felt in my life - and believing myself to be truly unloveable and alone, my family swooped in and saved me from my impending depression.
My mom took me home, my dad fed me, and now I'm warmly wrapped up in the bed of my 'youth'.
So when everything is looking down - you're feeling terrible, lonely, and you think that no one gives a damn about you - just wait a while. Someone out there does care, and they will show you just how much. (They just do it in their own time, and we have to patiently wait!)
So Say Thanks Anyway for the people out there who love you. Because when you hit rock-bottom, they're the ones who will pull you back up and dust you off!
Not only am I sneezing like a gusty wind, but I haven't had the energy to drag myself out of bed for quite some time. As a result, I must have amassed a scent of odour toilet (I imagine, although my sense of smell has left me), and my hair has woven itself into a knot. Just one giant knot!
At this rate, I will never get a comb through it. My locks will become dreadlocks (oh how I do dread that), and I will pretend that this was something I had fully intended and planned for!!
For the first few days, I had no one but my cat as company. My hours were spent watching day-time-television...and riddled with self-pity.
I have to admit, I began to run out of groceries slowly but surely, until eventually I was a quivering wreck. A starving, quivering wreck. I must say, that look becomes no one!
But after these days of feeling the loneliest I have ever felt in my life - and believing myself to be truly unloveable and alone, my family swooped in and saved me from my impending depression.
My mom took me home, my dad fed me, and now I'm warmly wrapped up in the bed of my 'youth'.
So when everything is looking down - you're feeling terrible, lonely, and you think that no one gives a damn about you - just wait a while. Someone out there does care, and they will show you just how much. (They just do it in their own time, and we have to patiently wait!)
So Say Thanks Anyway for the people out there who love you. Because when you hit rock-bottom, they're the ones who will pull you back up and dust you off!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Waiting for Glory
There's that cliche saying that goes: 'all things come to those who wait'.
Well, I've always been aware of it, but been mystified by its presence alongside wisdoms such as 'the early bird gets the worm' etc.
What were these wise idiom-makers really trying to tell us? Are we meant to wait, or are we meant to jump out there in our proverbial pyjamas and seize whatever we can?!
And then this weekend I paid my parents a visit. While meandering through their garden on Saturday evening, I found a bush of my favourite flower (I like to think my mom planted it especially for me, but that's probably not the case) - Evening Glory.
I don't know if you've ever seen an Evening Glory flower. It's the white evening equivalent of the Morning Glory; but it's white and has the most fantastic fragrance you could ever imagine.
And it just got me thinking: a lot of people are enamoured by Morning Glory. It's beautiful, grows abundantly (a bit weed-like to be honest), and brightens up the early hours of the day. But how many people have even heard of it's beautiful sister?!
So that's how I shall choose to interpret the idiom 'all things come to those who wait' from now on.
The early-bird may grab everyone's attention - but nothing can beat the beauty and fragrance of what the twilight brings.
So I sit back and wait for my evening glory to arrive; and will curb my jealousy of those morning bloomers.
Thanks Anyway for the chance to eventually blossom...however late it may arrive!
Well, I've always been aware of it, but been mystified by its presence alongside wisdoms such as 'the early bird gets the worm' etc.
What were these wise idiom-makers really trying to tell us? Are we meant to wait, or are we meant to jump out there in our proverbial pyjamas and seize whatever we can?!
And then this weekend I paid my parents a visit. While meandering through their garden on Saturday evening, I found a bush of my favourite flower (I like to think my mom planted it especially for me, but that's probably not the case) - Evening Glory.
I don't know if you've ever seen an Evening Glory flower. It's the white evening equivalent of the Morning Glory; but it's white and has the most fantastic fragrance you could ever imagine.
And it just got me thinking: a lot of people are enamoured by Morning Glory. It's beautiful, grows abundantly (a bit weed-like to be honest), and brightens up the early hours of the day. But how many people have even heard of it's beautiful sister?!
So that's how I shall choose to interpret the idiom 'all things come to those who wait' from now on.
The early-bird may grab everyone's attention - but nothing can beat the beauty and fragrance of what the twilight brings.
So I sit back and wait for my evening glory to arrive; and will curb my jealousy of those morning bloomers.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Strength Through the Strife!
When I started this attitude a few months ago, I didn't realise that my life was about to start falling apart ever so slightly.
Ever since 2011 began, things have just seemed to deteriorate in my life. But then this morning, while eating my cereal, I thought about my life, and realised one thing: life isn't always going to be easy!
2010, although not a bed of roses, was a pretty darn good year for me. So maybe this is just a balancing act. I need to learn that the good always comes with the bad.
But I am so grateful for my self-imposed attitude of seeing the good in everything. It really does lighten some very dark moments. Sure, I sometimes fail to see the positive during some heinous event...but I put that down to being human...and that's something else I have to live with - my own human nature and human faults.
So today I Say Thanks Anyway for saying thanks anyway:) It gets me through some darker moments! Try it for yourself - it may surprise you how much it really does help!
And don't be embarrassed about what you're grateful for. If it gets you through the day (and no one else actually has to know) - then what the heck right?!
Ever since 2011 began, things have just seemed to deteriorate in my life. But then this morning, while eating my cereal, I thought about my life, and realised one thing: life isn't always going to be easy!
2010, although not a bed of roses, was a pretty darn good year for me. So maybe this is just a balancing act. I need to learn that the good always comes with the bad.
But I am so grateful for my self-imposed attitude of seeing the good in everything. It really does lighten some very dark moments. Sure, I sometimes fail to see the positive during some heinous event...but I put that down to being human...and that's something else I have to live with - my own human nature and human faults.
So today I Say Thanks Anyway for saying thanks anyway:) It gets me through some darker moments! Try it for yourself - it may surprise you how much it really does help!
And don't be embarrassed about what you're grateful for. If it gets you through the day (and no one else actually has to know) - then what the heck right?!
Friday, January 28, 2011
Learn Your Own Strength!
Wow, so life has pretty much been sucking at the moment!!
But then I realised I have hidden strength that I've just never needed to use right now. There I was, sitting in my car crying, and suddenly I just thought, "screw em all, I can fight this!"
So I took the bull by the horns (excuse the cliche)...and I feel so much better.
That's not to say that I don't have my 'cry-in-the-car-and-wallow-in-self-pity' moments. Boy oh boy, right now, that's all I seem to have. But what I am saying is this: we give up too quickly - we don't trust ourselves, our strength, our own damn schootzpa quite enough!
So next time you're feeling like everything's going wrong, just Say Thanks Anyway for adversity.
What they say is true: without difficulty you can't appreciate the good. And without some Job-like hardships you'll never really get acquainted with yourself...the strong person that is buried somewhere inside you.
Ok, so that's all from me today. I'm off (hopefully without a teary moment in the car...)
But then I realised I have hidden strength that I've just never needed to use right now. There I was, sitting in my car crying, and suddenly I just thought, "screw em all, I can fight this!"
So I took the bull by the horns (excuse the cliche)...and I feel so much better.
That's not to say that I don't have my 'cry-in-the-car-and-wallow-in-self-pity' moments. Boy oh boy, right now, that's all I seem to have. But what I am saying is this: we give up too quickly - we don't trust ourselves, our strength, our own damn schootzpa quite enough!
So next time you're feeling like everything's going wrong, just Say Thanks Anyway for adversity.
What they say is true: without difficulty you can't appreciate the good. And without some Job-like hardships you'll never really get acquainted with yourself...the strong person that is buried somewhere inside you.
Ok, so that's all from me today. I'm off (hopefully without a teary moment in the car...)
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Katy Perry
But then something happened this morning. On my way to work, the radio suddenly switched to Katy Perry. This would normally be my biggest nightmare - the thought of a woman blasting us with her lesbian smooch is not morning-happiness for me. But her lyrics struck me...I think the song must be called 'Fire Works' (or something similar)...as she described exactly how I feel. I DO feel like a paper-bag, and a house-of-cards.
I get why some people listen to pop now. It gets you (unexpectedly).
So now I Say Thanks Anyway for Katy Perry.
And I'm off to let my fire burn...
So Many Questions!
There's one thing I've never figured out in life...when is it appropriate to speak up, and when do you shut up?!
How do you know which situation calls for which stance?
Are there some things that are just worth fighting for more than others? Or are some things just more socially respectable to clamour about?
I've never really been a stickler for rules and normalcy. In fact, I'll admit I'm a little weird. Ok fine, a lot weird. Which is cool - you know...be yourself, don't conform (the stuff they teach you on The Muppets), so I sometimes keep quiet when I should be screaming, and vice verse.
But is this an innate human trait that we're all meant to possess, or are we just meant to grope our way through a maze of difficult decisions?
As you could read in my last post, life's feeling a bit tough at the moment - but who am I meant to confront about it? There are so many various forces wreaking havoc in my life, but who can I talk to? Or do I just keep it to myself? Is it, essentially, my own fault (in which case no one really deserves to be confronted!)
I'm lost in the maze, facing a cul-de-sac...
How do you know which situation calls for which stance?
Are there some things that are just worth fighting for more than others? Or are some things just more socially respectable to clamour about?
I've never really been a stickler for rules and normalcy. In fact, I'll admit I'm a little weird. Ok fine, a lot weird. Which is cool - you know...be yourself, don't conform (the stuff they teach you on The Muppets), so I sometimes keep quiet when I should be screaming, and vice verse.
But is this an innate human trait that we're all meant to possess, or are we just meant to grope our way through a maze of difficult decisions?
As you could read in my last post, life's feeling a bit tough at the moment - but who am I meant to confront about it? There are so many various forces wreaking havoc in my life, but who can I talk to? Or do I just keep it to myself? Is it, essentially, my own fault (in which case no one really deserves to be confronted!)
I'm lost in the maze, facing a cul-de-sac...
Monday, January 24, 2011
Struggle and Strife, All a Part of Life
Have you ever felt like everything is going wrong? Like you just can't seem to catch a break?
I realise that my resolution for this year was to be positive (in spite of any/everything), and to embrace my positive side - but I gotta tell you, this year has been trying!
Everything around me seems to be changing so fast - like life's holding me at gun-point in a twisted game of Russian Roulette. Everything I thought I knew has changed. Anything I was comfortable with has been pulled out beneath my feet. And if I question all this chaos, bullets may just begin to fly!
So as I continue my endeavour to see the beauty, positivity and happiness in life, I realise it's going to be far more of a struggle than I ever could ever have conceived!
But I guess that everything worth having is also worth fighting for.
I realise that my resolution for this year was to be positive (in spite of any/everything), and to embrace my positive side - but I gotta tell you, this year has been trying!
Everything around me seems to be changing so fast - like life's holding me at gun-point in a twisted game of Russian Roulette. Everything I thought I knew has changed. Anything I was comfortable with has been pulled out beneath my feet. And if I question all this chaos, bullets may just begin to fly!
So as I continue my endeavour to see the beauty, positivity and happiness in life, I realise it's going to be far more of a struggle than I ever could ever have conceived!
But I guess that everything worth having is also worth fighting for.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Make War...then Love:)
The new year saw me having a massive fight with Enigman. Great way to start off 2011!
I don't even know what we were fighting about - we were suddenly just not speaking...(oh an ode to the awkward silence)
Cue the angstful hours wondering what I had done wrong; the moments spent punching the pillow which (pleasantly) doubled as his face; the wistful waiting by the phone; the wondrous excuse to indulge in some chocolate comfort. All of which I'm sure he did not experience! Bah, men!
We have since made up; and actually established what we were fighting about - separate things on both our parts it seems.
But, although our minor altercation was painful, it has improved our communication skills. We now know that we can fight, be honest & express ourselves without losing the other person.
So today, I Say Thanks Anyway for the 'good ol' fashioned' fight...
I don't even know what we were fighting about - we were suddenly just not speaking...(oh an ode to the awkward silence)
Cue the angstful hours wondering what I had done wrong; the moments spent punching the pillow which (pleasantly) doubled as his face; the wistful waiting by the phone; the wondrous excuse to indulge in some chocolate comfort. All of which I'm sure he did not experience! Bah, men!
We have since made up; and actually established what we were fighting about - separate things on both our parts it seems.
But, although our minor altercation was painful, it has improved our communication skills. We now know that we can fight, be honest & express ourselves without losing the other person.
So today, I Say Thanks Anyway for the 'good ol' fashioned' fight...
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