I haven't blogged in a while - and sadly I have no excuse. Pure laziness is what it is.
But although I haven't been writing in this blog, inspiration has struck. I have started adding some bits, bobs and paragraphs to my (long suffering) novel.
It seems that this year's personal dilemmas may lead to some riveting (if somewhat angsty) reading. It may not be an autobiography, but "Oscar Wilde was right when he stated that:
"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth."
Before, this blog was a bit of a mask for me - a cathartic catalyst medium for finally expressing what I really feel. I hope it always will be...because as I've found in the last few months, there is no such thing as too many avenues in which to have a good whinge (while looking on the bright side of course:)
So today I Say Thanks Anyway for the therapeutic experience of writing. Here's to hoping we never stop expressing ourselves through the written word.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
The Sinking of a Friendship
Enigman and I are no longer friends!
Personally, I had always hoped to make that statement, and then follow it up with...we are now a couple. But apparently that was never meant to be.
A few days ago he snapped at me, I snapped back, and before I knew what had happened, he told me that our friendship was over!
We've had fights before (I've fought more with him than with my own mother during my adolescent 'angst' years) - but this time is different. He has 'unfriended' me from social networks.
All my efforts to sit down after the fight and talk it through were ignored.
And so I did what I think is best for me...I deleted all his numbers. Now I am unable to get hold of him again. (well, of course not completely unable - I know where he lives, and we live in a technologically corrupt era - it is truly impossible to wipe someone out of your life without whole-hearted gusto!)
So now that a few days have passed, and I am completely without him in my life, I have begun to see that our relationship may have fallen within the bounds of dysfunctional.
For years I have been in love with him, and for years we have walked this strange path of awkward friendship that could have been more but never was! Which (of course as a female), has caused a lot of issues for me. And has most likely stopped me from pursuing other options!
So here I am. I am ready for something new. My heart still hurts. Everyday I cry a little over the loss of my best friend, and the loss of what could have been.
But I like to think that this experience has taught me to take better care of myself in so many different ways. And I think that 'taking care of yourself' differs for everyone - depending on personal strengths and weaknesses.
So today I Say Thanks Anyway for a friendship that was beautiful. It brought me memories which still make me laugh. And it taught me to understand myself.
Personally, I had always hoped to make that statement, and then follow it up with...we are now a couple. But apparently that was never meant to be.
A few days ago he snapped at me, I snapped back, and before I knew what had happened, he told me that our friendship was over!
We've had fights before (I've fought more with him than with my own mother during my adolescent 'angst' years) - but this time is different. He has 'unfriended' me from social networks.
All my efforts to sit down after the fight and talk it through were ignored.
And so I did what I think is best for me...I deleted all his numbers. Now I am unable to get hold of him again. (well, of course not completely unable - I know where he lives, and we live in a technologically corrupt era - it is truly impossible to wipe someone out of your life without whole-hearted gusto!)
So now that a few days have passed, and I am completely without him in my life, I have begun to see that our relationship may have fallen within the bounds of dysfunctional.
For years I have been in love with him, and for years we have walked this strange path of awkward friendship that could have been more but never was! Which (of course as a female), has caused a lot of issues for me. And has most likely stopped me from pursuing other options!
So here I am. I am ready for something new. My heart still hurts. Everyday I cry a little over the loss of my best friend, and the loss of what could have been.
But I like to think that this experience has taught me to take better care of myself in so many different ways. And I think that 'taking care of yourself' differs for everyone - depending on personal strengths and weaknesses.
So today I Say Thanks Anyway for a friendship that was beautiful. It brought me memories which still make me laugh. And it taught me to understand myself.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Sick and Tired?
I write this entry from my bed. For the last few days I've been stuck at home, under the covers, with the flu.
Not only am I sneezing like a gusty wind, but I haven't had the energy to drag myself out of bed for quite some time. As a result, I must have amassed a scent of odour toilet (I imagine, although my sense of smell has left me), and my hair has woven itself into a knot. Just one giant knot!
At this rate, I will never get a comb through it. My locks will become dreadlocks (oh how I do dread that), and I will pretend that this was something I had fully intended and planned for!!
For the first few days, I had no one but my cat as company. My hours were spent watching day-time-television...and riddled with self-pity.
I have to admit, I began to run out of groceries slowly but surely, until eventually I was a quivering wreck. A starving, quivering wreck. I must say, that look becomes no one!
But after these days of feeling the loneliest I have ever felt in my life - and believing myself to be truly unloveable and alone, my family swooped in and saved me from my impending depression.
My mom took me home, my dad fed me, and now I'm warmly wrapped up in the bed of my 'youth'.
So when everything is looking down - you're feeling terrible, lonely, and you think that no one gives a damn about you - just wait a while. Someone out there does care, and they will show you just how much. (They just do it in their own time, and we have to patiently wait!)
So Say Thanks Anyway for the people out there who love you. Because when you hit rock-bottom, they're the ones who will pull you back up and dust you off!
Not only am I sneezing like a gusty wind, but I haven't had the energy to drag myself out of bed for quite some time. As a result, I must have amassed a scent of odour toilet (I imagine, although my sense of smell has left me), and my hair has woven itself into a knot. Just one giant knot!
At this rate, I will never get a comb through it. My locks will become dreadlocks (oh how I do dread that), and I will pretend that this was something I had fully intended and planned for!!
For the first few days, I had no one but my cat as company. My hours were spent watching day-time-television...and riddled with self-pity.
I have to admit, I began to run out of groceries slowly but surely, until eventually I was a quivering wreck. A starving, quivering wreck. I must say, that look becomes no one!
But after these days of feeling the loneliest I have ever felt in my life - and believing myself to be truly unloveable and alone, my family swooped in and saved me from my impending depression.
My mom took me home, my dad fed me, and now I'm warmly wrapped up in the bed of my 'youth'.
So when everything is looking down - you're feeling terrible, lonely, and you think that no one gives a damn about you - just wait a while. Someone out there does care, and they will show you just how much. (They just do it in their own time, and we have to patiently wait!)
So Say Thanks Anyway for the people out there who love you. Because when you hit rock-bottom, they're the ones who will pull you back up and dust you off!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Waiting for Glory
There's that cliche saying that goes: 'all things come to those who wait'.
Well, I've always been aware of it, but been mystified by its presence alongside wisdoms such as 'the early bird gets the worm' etc.
What were these wise idiom-makers really trying to tell us? Are we meant to wait, or are we meant to jump out there in our proverbial pyjamas and seize whatever we can?!
And then this weekend I paid my parents a visit. While meandering through their garden on Saturday evening, I found a bush of my favourite flower (I like to think my mom planted it especially for me, but that's probably not the case) - Evening Glory.
I don't know if you've ever seen an Evening Glory flower. It's the white evening equivalent of the Morning Glory; but it's white and has the most fantastic fragrance you could ever imagine.
And it just got me thinking: a lot of people are enamoured by Morning Glory. It's beautiful, grows abundantly (a bit weed-like to be honest), and brightens up the early hours of the day. But how many people have even heard of it's beautiful sister?!
So that's how I shall choose to interpret the idiom 'all things come to those who wait' from now on.
The early-bird may grab everyone's attention - but nothing can beat the beauty and fragrance of what the twilight brings.
So I sit back and wait for my evening glory to arrive; and will curb my jealousy of those morning bloomers.
Thanks Anyway for the chance to eventually blossom...however late it may arrive!
Well, I've always been aware of it, but been mystified by its presence alongside wisdoms such as 'the early bird gets the worm' etc.
What were these wise idiom-makers really trying to tell us? Are we meant to wait, or are we meant to jump out there in our proverbial pyjamas and seize whatever we can?!
And then this weekend I paid my parents a visit. While meandering through their garden on Saturday evening, I found a bush of my favourite flower (I like to think my mom planted it especially for me, but that's probably not the case) - Evening Glory.
I don't know if you've ever seen an Evening Glory flower. It's the white evening equivalent of the Morning Glory; but it's white and has the most fantastic fragrance you could ever imagine.
And it just got me thinking: a lot of people are enamoured by Morning Glory. It's beautiful, grows abundantly (a bit weed-like to be honest), and brightens up the early hours of the day. But how many people have even heard of it's beautiful sister?!
So that's how I shall choose to interpret the idiom 'all things come to those who wait' from now on.
The early-bird may grab everyone's attention - but nothing can beat the beauty and fragrance of what the twilight brings.
So I sit back and wait for my evening glory to arrive; and will curb my jealousy of those morning bloomers.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Strength Through the Strife!
When I started this attitude a few months ago, I didn't realise that my life was about to start falling apart ever so slightly.
Ever since 2011 began, things have just seemed to deteriorate in my life. But then this morning, while eating my cereal, I thought about my life, and realised one thing: life isn't always going to be easy!
2010, although not a bed of roses, was a pretty darn good year for me. So maybe this is just a balancing act. I need to learn that the good always comes with the bad.
But I am so grateful for my self-imposed attitude of seeing the good in everything. It really does lighten some very dark moments. Sure, I sometimes fail to see the positive during some heinous event...but I put that down to being human...and that's something else I have to live with - my own human nature and human faults.
So today I Say Thanks Anyway for saying thanks anyway:) It gets me through some darker moments! Try it for yourself - it may surprise you how much it really does help!
And don't be embarrassed about what you're grateful for. If it gets you through the day (and no one else actually has to know) - then what the heck right?!
Ever since 2011 began, things have just seemed to deteriorate in my life. But then this morning, while eating my cereal, I thought about my life, and realised one thing: life isn't always going to be easy!
2010, although not a bed of roses, was a pretty darn good year for me. So maybe this is just a balancing act. I need to learn that the good always comes with the bad.
But I am so grateful for my self-imposed attitude of seeing the good in everything. It really does lighten some very dark moments. Sure, I sometimes fail to see the positive during some heinous event...but I put that down to being human...and that's something else I have to live with - my own human nature and human faults.
So today I Say Thanks Anyway for saying thanks anyway:) It gets me through some darker moments! Try it for yourself - it may surprise you how much it really does help!
And don't be embarrassed about what you're grateful for. If it gets you through the day (and no one else actually has to know) - then what the heck right?!
Friday, January 28, 2011
Learn Your Own Strength!
Wow, so life has pretty much been sucking at the moment!!
But then I realised I have hidden strength that I've just never needed to use right now. There I was, sitting in my car crying, and suddenly I just thought, "screw em all, I can fight this!"
So I took the bull by the horns (excuse the cliche)...and I feel so much better.
That's not to say that I don't have my 'cry-in-the-car-and-wallow-in-self-pity' moments. Boy oh boy, right now, that's all I seem to have. But what I am saying is this: we give up too quickly - we don't trust ourselves, our strength, our own damn schootzpa quite enough!
So next time you're feeling like everything's going wrong, just Say Thanks Anyway for adversity.
What they say is true: without difficulty you can't appreciate the good. And without some Job-like hardships you'll never really get acquainted with yourself...the strong person that is buried somewhere inside you.
Ok, so that's all from me today. I'm off (hopefully without a teary moment in the car...)
But then I realised I have hidden strength that I've just never needed to use right now. There I was, sitting in my car crying, and suddenly I just thought, "screw em all, I can fight this!"
So I took the bull by the horns (excuse the cliche)...and I feel so much better.
That's not to say that I don't have my 'cry-in-the-car-and-wallow-in-self-pity' moments. Boy oh boy, right now, that's all I seem to have. But what I am saying is this: we give up too quickly - we don't trust ourselves, our strength, our own damn schootzpa quite enough!
So next time you're feeling like everything's going wrong, just Say Thanks Anyway for adversity.
What they say is true: without difficulty you can't appreciate the good. And without some Job-like hardships you'll never really get acquainted with yourself...the strong person that is buried somewhere inside you.
Ok, so that's all from me today. I'm off (hopefully without a teary moment in the car...)
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Katy Perry
But then something happened this morning. On my way to work, the radio suddenly switched to Katy Perry. This would normally be my biggest nightmare - the thought of a woman blasting us with her lesbian smooch is not morning-happiness for me. But her lyrics struck me...I think the song must be called 'Fire Works' (or something similar)...as she described exactly how I feel. I DO feel like a paper-bag, and a house-of-cards.
I get why some people listen to pop now. It gets you (unexpectedly).
So now I Say Thanks Anyway for Katy Perry.
And I'm off to let my fire burn...
So Many Questions!
There's one thing I've never figured out in life...when is it appropriate to speak up, and when do you shut up?!
How do you know which situation calls for which stance?
Are there some things that are just worth fighting for more than others? Or are some things just more socially respectable to clamour about?
I've never really been a stickler for rules and normalcy. In fact, I'll admit I'm a little weird. Ok fine, a lot weird. Which is cool - you know...be yourself, don't conform (the stuff they teach you on The Muppets), so I sometimes keep quiet when I should be screaming, and vice verse.
But is this an innate human trait that we're all meant to possess, or are we just meant to grope our way through a maze of difficult decisions?
As you could read in my last post, life's feeling a bit tough at the moment - but who am I meant to confront about it? There are so many various forces wreaking havoc in my life, but who can I talk to? Or do I just keep it to myself? Is it, essentially, my own fault (in which case no one really deserves to be confronted!)
I'm lost in the maze, facing a cul-de-sac...
How do you know which situation calls for which stance?
Are there some things that are just worth fighting for more than others? Or are some things just more socially respectable to clamour about?
I've never really been a stickler for rules and normalcy. In fact, I'll admit I'm a little weird. Ok fine, a lot weird. Which is cool - you know...be yourself, don't conform (the stuff they teach you on The Muppets), so I sometimes keep quiet when I should be screaming, and vice verse.
But is this an innate human trait that we're all meant to possess, or are we just meant to grope our way through a maze of difficult decisions?
As you could read in my last post, life's feeling a bit tough at the moment - but who am I meant to confront about it? There are so many various forces wreaking havoc in my life, but who can I talk to? Or do I just keep it to myself? Is it, essentially, my own fault (in which case no one really deserves to be confronted!)
I'm lost in the maze, facing a cul-de-sac...
Monday, January 24, 2011
Struggle and Strife, All a Part of Life
Have you ever felt like everything is going wrong? Like you just can't seem to catch a break?
I realise that my resolution for this year was to be positive (in spite of any/everything), and to embrace my positive side - but I gotta tell you, this year has been trying!
Everything around me seems to be changing so fast - like life's holding me at gun-point in a twisted game of Russian Roulette. Everything I thought I knew has changed. Anything I was comfortable with has been pulled out beneath my feet. And if I question all this chaos, bullets may just begin to fly!
So as I continue my endeavour to see the beauty, positivity and happiness in life, I realise it's going to be far more of a struggle than I ever could ever have conceived!
But I guess that everything worth having is also worth fighting for.
I realise that my resolution for this year was to be positive (in spite of any/everything), and to embrace my positive side - but I gotta tell you, this year has been trying!
Everything around me seems to be changing so fast - like life's holding me at gun-point in a twisted game of Russian Roulette. Everything I thought I knew has changed. Anything I was comfortable with has been pulled out beneath my feet. And if I question all this chaos, bullets may just begin to fly!
So as I continue my endeavour to see the beauty, positivity and happiness in life, I realise it's going to be far more of a struggle than I ever could ever have conceived!
But I guess that everything worth having is also worth fighting for.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Make War...then Love:)
The new year saw me having a massive fight with Enigman. Great way to start off 2011!
I don't even know what we were fighting about - we were suddenly just not speaking...(oh an ode to the awkward silence)
Cue the angstful hours wondering what I had done wrong; the moments spent punching the pillow which (pleasantly) doubled as his face; the wistful waiting by the phone; the wondrous excuse to indulge in some chocolate comfort. All of which I'm sure he did not experience! Bah, men!
We have since made up; and actually established what we were fighting about - separate things on both our parts it seems.
But, although our minor altercation was painful, it has improved our communication skills. We now know that we can fight, be honest & express ourselves without losing the other person.
So today, I Say Thanks Anyway for the 'good ol' fashioned' fight...
I don't even know what we were fighting about - we were suddenly just not speaking...(oh an ode to the awkward silence)
Cue the angstful hours wondering what I had done wrong; the moments spent punching the pillow which (pleasantly) doubled as his face; the wistful waiting by the phone; the wondrous excuse to indulge in some chocolate comfort. All of which I'm sure he did not experience! Bah, men!
We have since made up; and actually established what we were fighting about - separate things on both our parts it seems.
But, although our minor altercation was painful, it has improved our communication skills. We now know that we can fight, be honest & express ourselves without losing the other person.
So today, I Say Thanks Anyway for the 'good ol' fashioned' fight...
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Feel the Burn
Today I am suffering from the greatest heat-stroke known to man! My body looks like a cooked lobster, my face is in an eternal blush, and I am waiting for the 'Great Peel' - the moment that my skin begins to flake from my body in the most unladylike manner!
Of course, it's completely my own fault. There I was, lying in the sun, watiting for my tan to unfurl...but instead...disappointment!
So now all I can hope is that, through some sheer luck and tenacious application of moisturiser, a tan does arise through my shrivelly tomato skin. I'm crossing every digit I have in hope...
But through all this pain, and unavoidable peeling, I (through gritted teeth) Say Thanks Anyway for the ability to even achieve this level of pain. I'm lucky enough to live in a house with a sparkling blue pool, and in a country with the best weather on earth. So red skin or not, I'm one lucky lobster!
Of course, it's completely my own fault. There I was, lying in the sun, watiting for my tan to unfurl...but instead...disappointment!
So now all I can hope is that, through some sheer luck and tenacious application of moisturiser, a tan does arise through my shrivelly tomato skin. I'm crossing every digit I have in hope...
But through all this pain, and unavoidable peeling, I (through gritted teeth) Say Thanks Anyway for the ability to even achieve this level of pain. I'm lucky enough to live in a house with a sparkling blue pool, and in a country with the best weather on earth. So red skin or not, I'm one lucky lobster!
Friday, December 17, 2010
Is there anyone out there...
You know the scenario. Hollywood always uses it to showcase the ultimate dork during his school-days.
*Scene opens*
Kids are standing gathered in the school-yard. (Surplus balls and rackets may be lying around as props).
A big bully type kid points and says - "You!"
Camera moves to two dweeby looking kids standing in the corner in geeky looking sports-wear.
*Cue voice-over*
"I was always a loser growing up. At school, I was the last one picked for sports. (etc, etc, etc.)
Well, that's kind of how I'm feeling about this blog.
Have you ever put anything out there and wondered if anyone is actually reading it? Or are you just wasting your time? And time is a precious thing... (just yesterday I was thinking about how I don't spend enough time watching Mcgyver re-runs. The hair. The pocket-knife. *swoon*...but I digress!)
Although I really can Say Thanks Anyway for this blog, and the way it has helped me see things differently. The positive is getting easier to spot when the miserable looms! (Barring the last 'computer-related fiasco')
So I guess, read what I have to say, or don't - I'll carry on regardless. Just cos it makes me feel better:)
*Scene opens*
Kids are standing gathered in the school-yard. (Surplus balls and rackets may be lying around as props).
A big bully type kid points and says - "You!"
Camera moves to two dweeby looking kids standing in the corner in geeky looking sports-wear.
*Cue voice-over*
"I was always a loser growing up. At school, I was the last one picked for sports. (etc, etc, etc.)
Well, that's kind of how I'm feeling about this blog.
Have you ever put anything out there and wondered if anyone is actually reading it? Or are you just wasting your time? And time is a precious thing... (just yesterday I was thinking about how I don't spend enough time watching Mcgyver re-runs. The hair. The pocket-knife. *swoon*...but I digress!)
Although I really can Say Thanks Anyway for this blog, and the way it has helped me see things differently. The positive is getting easier to spot when the miserable looms! (Barring the last 'computer-related fiasco')
So I guess, read what I have to say, or don't - I'll carry on regardless. Just cos it makes me feel better:)
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Get into the Christmas Spirit!
It is here. I am officially on Christmas holiday!
Through the manic deadlines, overkill Christmas shopping, and the *I-can't-breathe* workload, it has finally arrived!
It all seems worth now. 2 glorious weeks of beach, sleeping in, and spending time with neglected people. (If you think I'm rubbing it in, you'd be right;)
But really everyone, let's all remember what Christmas is all about! There are people out there who are lonely, poor, starving, miserable...and are just waiting for this season to be over. Look around and see what you can do to help.
And then Say Thanks Anyway. Because not only are you not happy, loved and 'well-nourished', but you were able to help someone else.
Through the manic deadlines, overkill Christmas shopping, and the *I-can't-breathe* workload, it has finally arrived!
It all seems worth now. 2 glorious weeks of beach, sleeping in, and spending time with neglected people. (If you think I'm rubbing it in, you'd be right;)
But really everyone, let's all remember what Christmas is all about! There are people out there who are lonely, poor, starving, miserable...and are just waiting for this season to be over. Look around and see what you can do to help.
And then Say Thanks Anyway. Because not only are you not happy, loved and 'well-nourished', but you were able to help someone else.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Boss Saves the Day!
Crisis diverted! My boss came riding in on his...uhm...techosavvy steed, and saved the day!
So now that I can officially breathe again (at one stage hyperventilation was constricting the airways), I know that I can Say Thanks for a great boss!
There was no judgment. He wasn't mad that I potentially lost a huge presentation. He simply guided me calmly through the problem. And then he actually did find it in the crevices of the computer (confusing gadget if you ask me!)
So I consider myself incredibly lucky to work where I do - awesome boss and nurturing atmosphere.
Now please excuse me, I'm off to buy an asthma pump...
So now that I can officially breathe again (at one stage hyperventilation was constricting the airways), I know that I can Say Thanks for a great boss!
There was no judgment. He wasn't mad that I potentially lost a huge presentation. He simply guided me calmly through the problem. And then he actually did find it in the crevices of the computer (confusing gadget if you ask me!)
So I consider myself incredibly lucky to work where I do - awesome boss and nurturing atmosphere.
Now please excuse me, I'm off to buy an asthma pump...
I'm Dead(lines)
I've been working on a presentation for a few days, and my computer just decided to lose it.
I'm struggling on seeing the positive at the moment! All I can see is hours of hard work down the drain...
Perhaps I'll do a better job the second time around?! But to be honest, I don't find that very comforting as I muster up the resolve to start all over again.
Oh, did I mention that the presentation is due in a few hours.
Oh silver lining, today you are nothing but a little speck on the horizon...
I'm struggling on seeing the positive at the moment! All I can see is hours of hard work down the drain...
Perhaps I'll do a better job the second time around?! But to be honest, I don't find that very comforting as I muster up the resolve to start all over again.
Oh, did I mention that the presentation is due in a few hours.
Oh silver lining, today you are nothing but a little speck on the horizon...
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Exploring the City
There is something so peaceful and romantic about walking through the streets while the sun sets. I don't actually ever take the time out to do it.
(In the future I vow to explore the nooks and crannies of my home-turf...)
The ethos was amazing, the excitement tangible - and everywhere you looked there were people dressed up in the strangest get-ups.
The fact that it was a charity walk just made it so much better - I was able to have a supernatural load of fun, and know that I was simultaneously aiding a great cause! Big Win!
I ended up feeling really connected to a city full of people I have never met before, did not actually utter any words to, and will (probably) never see again!
So I had my camera out, about and ready to shoot. Hope you enjoy the pics!:)
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
The Unsung Heroes - My Parents
There's a campaign running at the moment called 16 Days of Activism Against Violence to Women & Children.
This campaign really made me take a look at my relationship with my parents. Everyone I know complains about 'how their parents screwed them up' in some form or another. We all seem to be channeling Freud. (And is that really something we want? Come on, the man was a bit of a perv...)
So tell me honestly, was it ever really THAT bad?!
Some people complain about their parents being overprotective; but as far as I know that's a sign of love.
Others rant and rave about their parents never being there when it really counted. Ok, some may not have been - but I think sometimes it's just easier to find a scape-goat, and then continue to bask in the victim role.
My parents were never perfect; but although I shouted, made them cry, and deposited my teenage angst on their burdened shoulders, they never once made me feel sub par.
There were no fists. No bruises. No late-night fears of my bedroom door opening.
So take some time to think about your childhood. Then realise how incredibly lucky you really were!
Say Thanks Anyway for your parents. Then maybe go and give them a hug - that's where I'm off to today!
This campaign really made me take a look at my relationship with my parents. Everyone I know complains about 'how their parents screwed them up' in some form or another. We all seem to be channeling Freud. (And is that really something we want? Come on, the man was a bit of a perv...)
So tell me honestly, was it ever really THAT bad?!
Some people complain about their parents being overprotective; but as far as I know that's a sign of love.
Others rant and rave about their parents never being there when it really counted. Ok, some may not have been - but I think sometimes it's just easier to find a scape-goat, and then continue to bask in the victim role.
My parents were never perfect; but although I shouted, made them cry, and deposited my teenage angst on their burdened shoulders, they never once made me feel sub par.
There were no fists. No bruises. No late-night fears of my bedroom door opening.
So take some time to think about your childhood. Then realise how incredibly lucky you really were!
Say Thanks Anyway for your parents. Then maybe go and give them a hug - that's where I'm off to today!
Monday, December 6, 2010
Make it Write
I've been working on my first novel now for a few years. I'm one of those people who won't allow anyone to read my work. It's not only the fear of rejection (oh boy, do I have that in abundance!), but the ink on the paper almost takes on a life of its own; it illustrates little fragmentary parts of myself.
Very often my pen stabs at my own insecurities and miseries - and I'm not sure that I can bear to let people see that side of me!
And so I am left with this conundrum...a passion for writing - and an equal passion for privacy.
So I guess I'll have to Say Thanks Anyway for this blog. What I write here has absolutely nothing to do with my novel, and the style is completely different (read liberating) - but it does give me the chance to "expose" myself through an insurmountable veil of privacy.
If you're reading this, you've studied a piece of me. A piece I keep hidden. I piece that I often cannot decipher for myself.
And sharing this piece with you gives me peace.
Very often my pen stabs at my own insecurities and miseries - and I'm not sure that I can bear to let people see that side of me!
And so I am left with this conundrum...a passion for writing - and an equal passion for privacy.
So I guess I'll have to Say Thanks Anyway for this blog. What I write here has absolutely nothing to do with my novel, and the style is completely different (read liberating) - but it does give me the chance to "expose" myself through an insurmountable veil of privacy.
If you're reading this, you've studied a piece of me. A piece I keep hidden. I piece that I often cannot decipher for myself.
And sharing this piece with you gives me peace.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
While I breathe I Hope
Hope is such a tenuous entity. Some days I wonder if it's fear or hope that holds me back. Will I ever be able to make a decision while hope guides my judgment?
Ok, enough with the ambiguous questions - let me explain.
We all make choices every day. Check. You know that.
Some choices have more impact then others. Again, you know this.
But what if the hope for something better prevents us from seizing the opportunities we are presented with; like a an unholy union between hoping for something better, and fear of settling for the less than the ideal...
I have always been an incurable romantic. I had read all the Austen and Bronte novels by the age of 12. By 14 I had stopped speaking to anyone outside of my family. In my mind, the world had revealed itself, and it was not the Gothic fairy-tale I had always wished for. I wanted something better, something tidy - heartbreak and sorrow were only meant to exist within the assured boundaries of a happy ending.
I outgrew my miserable idealistic phase...to a point. But something inside of me still clings to the hope that there is perfection out there.
But then again, didn't our mothers tell us that nothing and no one is perfect? Goodness knows I'm anything but perfect.
But even if that hope of 'better' will forever linger in my mind and hold me back from certain opportunities and prospects, I Say Thanks Anyway for the protection is has given me in certain instances. Not all opportunities are good - and my overly romantic notions have certainly saved me from those.
Having said that, I have also learned to ignore that little bead of hope&fear and to take some risks. And the risks were so worth it!
So I guess the lesson I need to learn is: Don't settle for just anything, but don't let the hope of something better hold you back.
Ok, enough with the ambiguous questions - let me explain.
We all make choices every day. Check. You know that.
Some choices have more impact then others. Again, you know this.
But what if the hope for something better prevents us from seizing the opportunities we are presented with; like a an unholy union between hoping for something better, and fear of settling for the less than the ideal...
I have always been an incurable romantic. I had read all the Austen and Bronte novels by the age of 12. By 14 I had stopped speaking to anyone outside of my family. In my mind, the world had revealed itself, and it was not the Gothic fairy-tale I had always wished for. I wanted something better, something tidy - heartbreak and sorrow were only meant to exist within the assured boundaries of a happy ending.
I outgrew my miserable idealistic phase...to a point. But something inside of me still clings to the hope that there is perfection out there.
But then again, didn't our mothers tell us that nothing and no one is perfect? Goodness knows I'm anything but perfect.
But even if that hope of 'better' will forever linger in my mind and hold me back from certain opportunities and prospects, I Say Thanks Anyway for the protection is has given me in certain instances. Not all opportunities are good - and my overly romantic notions have certainly saved me from those.
Having said that, I have also learned to ignore that little bead of hope&fear and to take some risks. And the risks were so worth it!
So I guess the lesson I need to learn is: Don't settle for just anything, but don't let the hope of something better hold you back.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
One Week in...
Already I can see some difference in my life since I started this experiment - and it's only been about a week!
I'm not a particularly negative person, but I don't think we realise exactly how many negative thoughts hinder us on a daily basis.
We all have our own unique self-esteem issues, secret problems and day-to-week-to-month obstacles - but this week has really taught me shift my paradigms; to explore the other side of something which may just seem insurmountable. Something which before would have seen me reaching for the 'I-am-wallowing-in-self-pity' binge tray of chocolate.
So I urge you (if anyone is reading this) to push yourself to Say Thanks Anyway. Try it for a month and see what happens.
Personally, I can't wait to see how my perceptions will have changed after a month of this!
I'm not a particularly negative person, but I don't think we realise exactly how many negative thoughts hinder us on a daily basis.
We all have our own unique self-esteem issues, secret problems and day-to-week-to-month obstacles - but this week has really taught me shift my paradigms; to explore the other side of something which may just seem insurmountable. Something which before would have seen me reaching for the 'I-am-wallowing-in-self-pity' binge tray of chocolate.
So I urge you (if anyone is reading this) to push yourself to Say Thanks Anyway. Try it for a month and see what happens.
Personally, I can't wait to see how my perceptions will have changed after a month of this!
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