The Write Way

I haven't blogged in a while - and sadly I have no excuse. Pure laziness is what it is.

But although I haven't been writing in this blog, inspiration has struck. I have started adding some bits, bobs and paragraphs to my (long suffering) novel.

It seems that this year's personal dilemmas may lead to some riveting (if somewhat angsty) reading. It may not be an autobiography, but "Oscar Wilde was right when he stated that:
"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth."

Before, this blog was a bit of a mask for me - a cathartic catalyst medium for finally expressing what I really feel. I hope it always will be...because as I've found in the last few months, there is no such thing as too many avenues in which to have a good whinge (while looking on the bright side of course:)

So today I Say Thanks Anyway for the therapeutic experience of writing. Here's to hoping we never stop expressing ourselves through the written word.

The Sinking of a Friendship

Enigman and I are no longer friends!

Personally, I had always hoped to make that statement, and then follow it up with...we are now a couple. But apparently that was never meant to be.

A few days ago he snapped at me, I snapped back, and before I knew what had happened, he told me that our friendship was over!

We've had fights before (I've fought more with him than with my own mother during my adolescent 'angst' years) - but this time is different. He has 'unfriended' me from social networks.

All my efforts to sit down after the fight and talk it through were ignored.

And so I did what I think is best for me...I deleted all his numbers. Now I am unable to get hold of him again. (well, of course not completely unable - I know where he lives, and we live in a technologically corrupt era - it is truly impossible to wipe someone out of your life without whole-hearted gusto!)

So now that a few days have passed, and I am completely without him in my life, I have begun to see that our relationship may have fallen within the bounds of dysfunctional.

For years I have been in love with him, and for years we have walked this strange path of awkward friendship that could have been more but never was! Which (of course as a female), has caused a lot of issues for me. And has most likely stopped me from pursuing other options!

So here I am. I am ready for something new. My heart still hurts. Everyday I cry a little over the loss of my best friend, and the loss of what could have been.

But I like to think that this experience has taught me to take better care of myself in so many different ways. And I think that 'taking care of yourself' differs for everyone - depending on personal strengths and weaknesses.

So today I Say Thanks Anyway for a friendship that was beautiful. It brought me memories which still make me laugh. And it taught me to understand myself.

Sick and Tired?

I write this entry from my bed. For the last few days I've been stuck at home, under the covers, with the flu.

Not only am I sneezing like a gusty wind, but I haven't had the energy to drag myself out of bed for quite some time. As a result, I must have amassed a scent of odour toilet (I imagine, although my sense of smell has left me), and my hair has woven itself into a knot. Just one giant knot!

At this rate, I will never get a comb through it. My locks will become dreadlocks (oh how I do dread that), and I will pretend that this was something I had fully intended and planned for!!

For the first few days, I had no one but my cat as company. My hours were spent watching day-time-television...and riddled with self-pity.

I have to admit, I began to run out of groceries slowly but surely, until eventually I was a quivering wreck. A starving, quivering wreck. I must say, that look becomes no one!

But after these days of feeling the loneliest I have ever felt in my life - and believing myself to be truly unloveable and alone, my family swooped in and saved me from my impending depression.

My mom took me home, my dad fed me, and now I'm warmly wrapped up in the bed of my 'youth'.

So when everything is looking down - you're feeling terrible, lonely, and you think that no one gives a damn about you - just wait a while. Someone out there does care, and they will show you just how much. (They just do it in their own time, and we have to patiently wait!)

So Say Thanks Anyway for the people out there who love you. Because when you hit rock-bottom, they're the ones who will pull you back up and dust you off!

Waiting for Glory

There's that cliche saying that goes: 'all things come to those who wait'.

Well, I've always been aware of it, but been mystified by its presence alongside wisdoms such as 'the early bird gets the worm' etc.

What were these wise idiom-makers really trying to tell us? Are we meant to wait, or are we meant to jump out there in our proverbial pyjamas and seize whatever we can?!

And then this weekend I paid my parents a visit. While meandering through their garden on Saturday evening, I found a bush of my favourite flower (I like to think my mom planted it especially for me, but that's probably not the case) - Evening Glory.

I don't know if you've ever seen an Evening Glory flower. It's the white evening equivalent of the Morning Glory; but it's white and has the most fantastic fragrance you could ever imagine.

And it just got me thinking: a lot of people are enamoured by Morning Glory. It's beautiful, grows abundantly (a bit weed-like to be honest), and brightens up the early hours of the day. But how many people have even heard of it's beautiful sister?!

So that's how I shall choose to interpret the idiom 'all things come to those who wait' from now on.

The early-bird may grab everyone's attention - but nothing can beat the beauty and fragrance of what the twilight brings.

So I sit back and wait for my evening glory to arrive; and will curb my jealousy of those morning bloomers.

Thanks Anyway for the chance to eventually blossom...however late it may arrive!

Strength Through the Strife!

When I started this attitude a few months ago, I didn't realise that my life was about to start falling apart ever so slightly.

Ever since 2011 began, things have just seemed to deteriorate in my life. But then this morning, while eating my cereal, I thought about my life, and realised one thing: life isn't always going to be easy!

2010, although not a bed  of roses, was a pretty darn good year for me. So maybe this is just a balancing act. I need to learn that the good always comes with the bad.

But I am so grateful for my self-imposed attitude of seeing the good in everything. It really does lighten some very dark moments. Sure, I sometimes fail to see the positive during some heinous event...but I put that down to being human...and that's something else I have to live with - my own human nature and human faults.

So today I Say Thanks Anyway for saying thanks anyway:) It gets me through some darker moments! Try it for yourself - it may surprise you how much it really does help!

And don't be embarrassed about what you're grateful for. If it gets you through the day (and no one else actually has to know) - then what the heck right?!

Learn Your Own Strength!

Wow, so life has pretty much been sucking at the moment!!

But then I realised I have hidden strength that I've just never needed to use right now. There I was, sitting in my car crying, and suddenly I just thought, "screw em all, I can fight this!"

So I took the bull by the horns (excuse the cliche)...and I feel so much better.

That's not to say that I don't have my 'cry-in-the-car-and-wallow-in-self-pity' moments. Boy oh boy, right now, that's all I seem to have. But what I am saying is this: we give up too quickly - we don't trust ourselves, our strength, our own damn schootzpa quite enough!

So next time you're feeling like everything's going wrong, just Say Thanks Anyway for adversity.

What they say is true: without difficulty you can't appreciate the good. And without some Job-like hardships you'll never really get acquainted with yourself...the strong person that is buried somewhere inside you.

Ok, so that's all from me today. I'm off (hopefully without a teary moment in the car...)

Katy Perry

I am a sworn Rock Chick! I don't usually listen to pop, RnB, gospel, or any of the other genres 'polluting' the airwaves!

But then something happened this morning. On my way to work, the radio suddenly switched to Katy Perry. This would normally be my biggest nightmare - the thought of a woman blasting us with her lesbian smooch is not morning-happiness for me. But her lyrics struck me...I think the song must be called 'Fire Works' (or something similar)...as she described exactly how I feel. I DO feel like a paper-bag, and a house-of-cards.

I get why some people listen to pop now. It gets you (unexpectedly).

So now I Say Thanks Anyway for Katy Perry.

And I'm off to let my fire burn...